It feels good to be back! With the madness of the holidays over, I am now trying to get back on track. The ‘New Year’ is upon us, and as usual I have been jotting down my resolutions (which are never kept). I look forward to stepping up my writing, blogging more, and putting a whole new spin on things in 2012.
For now, though, I have a flash fiction that I recently wrote. It is completely different from what I normally post. I guess I am still trying to find my ‘niche’ in the writing world! 🙂 As some of you know, I have been posting snippets of another WIP What Matters Most on “Six Sentence Sunday” for a while now. My plans are to (hopefully) complete that within the first couple of weeks in January. *fingers crossed*
Ok, here is my flash fiction entitled Broken Desire.
Here they go again…the nightmares. Well, I am sure that most people would not consider my erotic dreams to be nightmares; instead, they would find them to be more pleasurable than scary. It looks like I am being prepared for another sleepless night. Within a week, I have developed a bittersweet relationship with my clock. I rely on its impeccable sense of time to wake me in the mornings, but also dread watching every minute creep by when I should be resting peacefully. My mind is filled with the ‘whys’ and the ‘what ifs’ while my heart feels like it is being ripped through my chest. How do I manage to torture myself like this? I feel so broken.
Another hour has passed and only one more sixty minute interval before I have to be up for the long run. How wonderful. There is no sense in trying to rest now; my mind would only interpret an hour of sleep as being pointless. I don’t think I can handle another night of the tormenting dreams, tossing back and forth from the unrelenting thoughts of him.
Never mind the prospective hour of sleep that I desperately need. It is time to get up and face yet another dreaded day.
My twenty-minute drive to work consisted of the usual fickleness of trying to find a decent song on XM. Hmm…two hundred channels and nothing appealed to me. Eventually, I came across one of the ‘metal head’ stations and found a song very suitable tune for my current state of mind-“I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace. Ah, perfection. Who knew that one song could produce an exact description of my present feelings? I could feel the bitterness brewing within me, which caused me to zone out and lose my focus on the road. This was ridiculous! How could one heated moment cause me to be in such a fluster?
Upon my arrival at work, I instantly felt the anxiety building up in my throat. As I made the painful trek to the office, a variety of undesirable thoughts clouded my mind. Could I really deal with another day of this misery? What did it matter? Either way, I had no choice. A job is definitely a required necessity for my life; there are no other viable options. My heart kept telling me to turn around and walk away, leave it all behind. I wish it were that simple. I wish that I had never acknowledged him.
My job used to be quite enjoyable; that is, before he came along. He is a reference for my yummy looking supervisor, Bradley Keaton. His perfect smile, shimmering hazel eyes, toned body, and addictive personality had me from the moment I sat down for the first interview. Of course, being the new girl, I decided to keep my seductive thoughts to myself and play it off as if I had absolutely no attraction to him whatsoever. Oh, how hard that was. Professionalism has always been something that I held to a high standard and flaunting around like a love-struck teenager was absolutely out of the question.
It is a shame that all it took was ten months and one completely random text message to get the it all started. I have never possessed so much ignorance in anything. It was pathetic. I had allowed myself to let go, not even stopping to think of the harsh consequences. Or better yet, the reality of my mistake.
For a Thursday, it was unusually slow. I had completed all of my daily tasks and made my agenda for the next day. Lunch was not for another forty-five minutes. Hmm, I guess that I could journal a bit, try to ease my mind of various unwanted thoughts…
Imagine two people who are so unbelievably attracted to one another, finally placed into a position of being ‘alone’ together. Blissful! That was my exact thought after the first touch I received from him. The gentleness of his hands tracing down my spine, feeling the warmth of his breath on my neck, and the calming scent of his cologne sent chills throughout my body. Any stability I had melted away as he continued to caress me in such a breathtaking way. It was like an explosion of fireworks was set off inside of me, some being stronger than others, but exhilarating nonetheless. It was beautiful.
In my eyes, he was perfect beyond measure. The whole idea of him being the least bit attracted to me blew my mind; I mean, we had worked together for almost a year and still had not carried on an actual conversation. Of course my conscience had visited me a couple of times, forewarning me of how risky it was to be personally involved with someone who could make or break my career. However, I quickly disregarded those thoughts when I received one of his flirty messages. Sure, it was sneaky, but that made it all the more enticing. It was our little secret.
I suddenly found myself caught up in instant infatuation. That is until he wrote me off as if nothing ever happened. Dumbfounded, I couldn’t understand what had happened. A variety of thoughts raced through my mind, allowing me no chance to make sense of the situation. It felt like he was the puppeteer and I was the puppet who had its strings being recklessly pulled at. Mentally, I was shattered.
My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the phone. Good thing, because even with that brief mental reminder, I felt like fresh wounds had been reopened.
Reluctantly, I pushed those recent memories from my thoughts hoping that they will eventually disappear. Everything gets better with time, right? I would think so. Either way, I have to move on regardless of how I feel. It was apparent that his feelings were not mutual…they would never be.
Just as I was getting ready to leave for lunch, a very attractive, familiar voice called to me. “Jules, can we please talk?”
It was Bradley.
I suddenly felt a bout of nausea rush through my stomach. There was a voice in the back of my mind saying to walk on, it isn’t worth it. What was I to do? My heart cannot take any more rejection. It had been a week since everything happened and now he wants to talk? He probably just wants to inform me of my unprofessional conduct, placing the blame solely on me.
“Sure.” The response came out before I could process what was going on.
His mesmerizing eyes locked onto mine. “I have been meaning to talk with you; however, finding the time has been an issue.”
What was I supposed to say to that? The nausea heightened, along with my blood pressure. Feelings of uncertainty spread through my mind. “I understand.” Seriously, that was all that I could manage to get out!
He focused on the pattern in the carpet, obviously lost in his thoughts. “I don’t know how to say what is on my mind. In all honesty, there is no easy way to explain it.”
“Ok, just say it.” My stomach was now in a twisted knot. I had no idea what to expect. He had already managed to turn my whole world upside down!
“Well…” the look in his eyes suggested that he was struggling to find the right words. “What happened between us was completely unexpected and unorthodox.”
The professionalism in his voice tormented me. He disrupted me in a way that no one else has. However, I knew that I was facing one of the bigger rejections in my lifetime. “Bradley, I know that my actions were morally unacceptable. I’m sorry for placing you in an uncomfortable position.” My eyes filled with tears.
Bewildered, he got up and walked over towards me. “I can’t go on like nothing ever happened, Jules. My mind continuously replays the time I spent with you, over and over. The feelings are treading deep within me. I am so confused.”
Was he serious? Am I actually hearing his words correctly? “It is such a relief to hear that you aren’t mad at me. In fact, for the last week I have tried every way possible to avoid you. I tried numerous times to make sense of what happened, but no sensible conclusion came to mind. I just thought that I was being a typical female, you know, allowing my emotions to overtake the whole situation.” Tears rolled down my face; I could taste the saltiness on my lips.
In an instant, my whole body fell numb to his words. Everything he said was completely unexpected. It took me a couple of minutes to process it clearly. Before I could make further sense of it, he leaned in and kissed me so gently. I was immediately taken by his touch.
“I don’t want this to be over.” He gracefully placed his hand on mine. “Please accept my apology for my recent behavior; I was scared.”
“It is ok.” By this time, my thoughts were in a complete frenzy. “Apology accepted.” His smile broadened at my response. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his mind. Even though this whole situation proved to be careless, it felt so right. He is indescribably perfect to me. I was determined to make him mine.
I pulled him closer and returned a kiss. “I knew this couldn’t be over…”
I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by. As always, happy reading!! 🙂